You Are More Than Your Mistake (Everyone fails, 1)

What’s the Worst That Can Happen?

ILLUSTRATIONS BY SEIJI MATSUMOTO

After I bombed that speech, my first instinct was to blame myself. How could I have let my nerves get the best of me? This is typical of women who face setbacks, research has found. When a woman screws up, she is likely to question her abilities or skills. But when a man screws up, he often points to outside factors that contributed to the mistake — such as a hot room, a phone ringing in the audience or a poor sound system.

Part of the reason this kind of self-blame is such a problem is it that it can inhibit women from taking risks in the future. If you’re going to be convinced you are fundamentally flawed every time you fall short, why wouldn’t you steer clear of uncertainty and play it safe?

Carol Dweck, a psychology professor at Stanford, calls this the “fixed mindset” — the belief that failure is a dead end instead of a stop on the road to improvement. What you want to have instead of a fixed mindset is a  “growth mindset” — the ability to see failure as an opportunity to learn. 

I advise my students to ask themselves the following questions when they’re hesitant to take a risk:

  • What’s the worst that can happen?
  • Then, can you deal with that outcome? What resources do you have to handle it?
  • What are some possible benefits of your failure, even if the situation doesn’t work out? 

For me, the worst outcome was that they wouldn’t invite me back to speak again, or that they would mention my debacle to someone else. Could I deal with that? I wouldn’t be happy about it, but I could manage. Meanwhile, I tried to focus on how this failure could make me a better person — perhaps more empathetic to my students, many of whom suffer from anxiety, makingme a more relatable and effective teacher. Being nervous about returning to the podium also pushed me to tighten up my lecture in ways I probably wouldn’t have otherwise. 

You Are More Than Your Mistake

I may have bombed that speech, but I have also aced a lot of other speeches. I know this, and yet it became hard for me to remember in the moment. Instead, I was laser-focused on what I’d done wrong, scanning the faces in the audience, imagining all of the ways they were judging me. 

This kind of distorted thinking is common, but there are ways to stop yourself from engaging in it. In my case, I reminded myself that I’d given a speech earlier in the day to a different group of students, some of whom told me I was the best speaker they’d seen at the school. This was my third time speaking there, and I’d been invited back for a reason. 

You’ve also had a series of successes or you wouldn’t be so upset by a setback. Try to remind yourself what those successes are to soothe yourself after a misstep. The point is not to pretend a mistake didn’t happen, it’s to remember you are more than your mistake. 

From https://www.nytimes.com/guides/working-womans-handbook/how-to-overcome-failure

„Everyone Fails. Here’s How to Pick Yourself Back Up”.

A paper by Rachel Simmons, NY Times

Henri Nouwen on dying

Praying to Die Well

Many people say, „I am not afraid of death, but I am afraid
of dying.” This is quite understandable, since dying often
means illness, pain, dependency, and loneliness.

The fear of dying is nothing to be ashamed of. It is the
most human of all human fears. Jesus himself entered into
that fear. In his anguish „sweat fell to the ground like
great drops of blood” (Luke 22:44). How must we deal with
our fear of dying? Like Jesus we must pray that we may
receive special strength to make the great passage to new
life. Then we can trust that God will send us an angel to
comfort us, as he sent an angel to Jesus.

Dying with Grateful Hearts

We often wonder how death will occur for us. Through
illness, accident, war, or a natural disaster? Will our
deaths happen suddenly or gradually? There are no answers
for these questions, so we really should not spend time
worrying about them. We don’t know how our lives will end,
and this is a blessed ignorance! But there is an important
question that we should consider: When our time to die
comes, will we die in such a way that those we leave behind
are not devastated by grief or left with feelings of shame
or guilt?

How we leave others depends largely on how we prepare
ourselves for death. When we can die with grateful hearts,
grateful to God and our families and friends, our deaths can
become sources of life for others.

Making Our Deaths Gifts

How do we make our deaths gifts for others? Very often
people’s lives are destroyed, harmed, or permanently wounded
by the deaths of their relatives or friends. We have to do
whatever we can to avoid this. When we are near death what
we say to those who are close to us, whether in spoken or in
written words, is very important. When we express gratitude
to them, ask forgiveness for our shortcomings and offer
forgiveness for theirs, and express our sincere desire that
they continue their lives without remorse but remembering
the graces of our lives, then our deaths can become true
gifts.

Love Will Remain

Hope and faith will both come to an end when we die. But
love will remain. Love is eternal. Love comes from God and
returns to God. When we die, we will lose everything that
life gave us except love. The love with which we lived our
lives is the life of God within us. It is the divine,
indestructible core of our being. This love not only will
remain but will also bear fruit from generation to
generation.

When we approach our deaths let us say to those we leave
behind, „Don’t let your heart be troubled. The love of God
that dwells in my heart will come to you and offer you
consolation and comfort.”

From Bread for the Journey.

 

„Tu seras appelé prophète du Très Haut”

Résultat de recherche d'images pour "rétable issenheim"Saint Jean Baptiste dans la vision de Matthias Grunewald,

Détail de la Crucifixion, retable d’Issenheim.

 

Un texte de Maurice Zundel

 

„« Pour moi, je vous baptise avec de l’eau : mais il en vient un qui est plus puissant que moi… Lui vous baptisera dans l’Esprit Saint et le Feu. » (Luc 3:16)

C’est ainsi que Jean annonçait Celui auquel il préparait les voies.

En fait, I’activité de Jésus ressemble d’abord beaucoup à la sienne — avec, cependant, quelque chose de beaucoup plus simple et de beaucoup plus libre :

« Repentez-vous (changez de pensée) : le règne (royaume) des Cieux est là. » (Mat. 4:17)

Jean s’attendait à quelque chose de plus fulgurant, il finit par être déconcerté par les lenteurs de cette méthode :

« Es-tu Celui qui doit venir, ou devons-nous en attendre un autre ? » (Mat. 11:3)

Ce qui signifiait peut-être : « Montre enfin que tu es Celui qui doit venir, prends ton van en main, et purifie ton aire. » Mais le temps de la “colère” n’était pas venu (Luc 3:7).

Jésus vivait à la juive. La Loi semblait si sacrée à Ses yeux qu’il n’en voulait même pas abroger un iota. Sa prière était nourrie des Écritures. Il recommandait l’obéissance aux scribes et aux pharisiens assis dans la chaire de Moïse (Mat. 23:3). Il semblait plus jaloux que personne des privilèges d’Israël :

« Je n’ai été envoyé qu’aux brebis perdues de la Maison d’Israël. » (Mat. 15:24)

C’était bien, conformément à la promesse divine, au peuple élu qu’étaient offertes les prémices du Règne de Dieu. Certains critiques ont été si frappés de cette sorte d’exclusivisme qu’ils ont cru pouvoir conclure que Jésus était purement Juif, et aucunement chrétien.

Ils n’ont pas pris garde, autant que le réclament les textes, à la nouveauté de l’accent. Il est possible, probable même, qu’on trouve épars dans les Écritures de l’Ancien Testament, et dans la littérature rabbinique, à peu près tous les éléments de la Doctrine de Jésus. Mais il fallait un certain Feu pour en tirer ce métal unique qui résonne dans les profondeurs de l’âme. L’accent était nouveau, et les vieilles outres devaient éclater sous la pression d’un nouveau vin :

« À vin nouveau, outres neuves ! » (Marc 2:22)

Jésus savait de quel Esprit il était et qu’une économie nouvelle avait commencé :

« La Loi et les Prophètes jusqu’à Jean. » (Luc 16 :16)

Mais maintenant :

« Le Royaume de Dieu se laisse prendre d’assaut. » (Mat.11:12)

S’il est vrai que parmi les fils de la femme…

« …il n’en est point surgi de plus grand que Jean le Baptiste… le plus petit dans le Royaume des Cieux est plus grand que lui… » (Mat. 11 :2)

Or…

« …le Royaume de Dieu est déjà présent. Elie a paru dans la personne du Baptiste. » (Mat. 11 :15)

Celui qui devait venir, est venu :

« Allez rapporter à Jean ce que vous entendez dire et voyez : les aveugles recouvrent la vue, les boiteux marchent, les lépreux sont guéris… les morts ressuscitent, les pauvres reçoivent la Bonne Nouvelle… » (Mat. 20:6)

Autant dire que sa Présence est déjà, par elle-même, la réalisation du Royaume.”

Giorgio Caproni, „Revenire – Ritorno” — catalinafrancoblog

Giorgio Caproni, „Revenire – Ritorno”

M-am întors acolo unde n-am fost nicicând. Nimic, din ce nu era, nu s-a schimbat. Pe masa mică (pe pânza-în carouri ) era paharul niciodată umplut.Tot din ce n-am lăsat nicicând e încă acolo. -traducere de Catalina Franco- _______________________________

Sono tornato là dove non ero mai stato. Nulla, da come […]

via Giorgio Caproni, „Revenire – Ritorno” — catalinafrancoblog

Moltmann on afterlife

What awaits us? However we may think of eternal death or eternal life, it cannot surely be the eternalization of our unsuccessful beginnings or failed attempts at life.

I am thinking about the life of those who were unable to live and were not permitted to live: the beloved child who died at birth, the little boy run over when he was four, the 16-year-old friend torn to pieces at your side by the bomb which left you unscathed-and the countless people raped, murdered or ‘liquidated’.

 The idea that for these people their death is ‘the finish’ would plunge this whole world into absolute absurdity, for if their life had no meaning, has ours?

 The modern notion about a ‘natural death’ may be appropriate for the life-insured denizens of the affluent society, who can afford death in old age; but most people in the Third World die a premature, violent and by no means affirmed death, like the millions of young people in my generation who died in the Second World War.

 The idea that death is ‘the eternalization of life as it has been lived’ doesn’t at all take in the people who were not able to live or were not permitted to do so.

 So mustn’t we think the thought of an ongoing history of God’s with lives that have been broken off and destroyed in this way, if we are to be able to affirm life in this world in spite of its destructions, and love life in spite of all its cruelties, and protect it against these cruelties and acts of inhumanity?

I think this, not for selfish reasons, neither for the sake of a personal completion, nor for the sake of a moral purification or refining. I think it for the sake of the justice which I believe is God’s own concern and his first option.

https://postmoltmannian.blog/2017/01/14/moltmann-afterlife-universalism/

Marturisire de credinta în Dumnezeu

Original: Acte de Confiance en Dieu de saint Claude la Colombière

Cât despre mine, Doamne, într-atâta sunt de încredinţat că veghezi asupra tuturor acelora care nădăjduiesc în Tine, şi că nimeni nu duce lipsă de nimic, atunci când aşteaptă toate de la Tine, încât am luat hotărârea să las la o parte orice grijă şi să mă descarc punând în Tine tot ce mă nelinişteşte. „Cu pace, aşa mă voi culca şi voi adormi, că Tu, Doamne, îndeosebi întru nădejde m-ai aşezat.”

Oamenii îmi pot smulge şi bunuri şi cinste; bolile mă pot slăbi, mă pot lipsi de puterea şi de mijloacele de a te sluji; prin păcat, pot pierde până şi harul; dar nădejdea nu mi-o voi pierde; o voi păstra până în ultima clipă a vieţii, şi degeaba se vor strădui atunci toţi demonii din iad vrând să mă smulgă din ea: „Cu pace, aşa mă voi culca şi voi dormi”.

Caute-şi alţii fericirea în bogăţia ori talentele lor; sprijină-se alţii pe nevinovăţia unei vieţi întregi, pe asprimea faptelor de pocăinţă sau pe numărul de pomeni făcute, sau pe rugăciunile lor înfocate.

„Tu, Doamne, îndeosebi întru nădejde m-ai aşezat”.

Cât despre mine, Doamne, lucrul pe care mă sprijin, este chiar Încrederea mea. Încrederea care, nicicând, n-a înşelat pe cineva. „Nimeni, niciodată, n-a tras nădejde de la Domnul şi să fie înşelat”. Am încredinţarea că voi fi pe veci fericit, pentru că nădăjduiesc cu tărie că voi cunoaşte fericirea, şi pentru că de la Tine, Doamne, o aştept şi o sper: „Spre Tine, Doamne, am nădăjduit, să nu fiu ruşinat în veac”. Ştiu, vai – o ştiu încă prea bine! – cât sunt de slab şi de schimbător. Ştiu cât sunt de ispitite până şi cele mai întărite virtuţi; am văzut căzând stele şi coloane ale firmamentului. Dar nimic nu mă sperie din toate acestea, nimic nu mă sperie, atâta vreme cât pot nădăjdui; sunt la adăpost de toate nenorocirile şi sunt sigur că voi putea mereu nădăjdui, pentru că îmi pun toată credinţa în neschimbătoarea nădejde. În sfârșit, sunt sigur că nu-mi va prisosi niciodată încrederea în tine, Doamne, şi că nu voi căpăta de la tine mai puţin decât ce am aşteptat.

Sper aşadar că mă vei reţine din pornirile mele cele mai iuţi, că mă vei milui când se va revărsa asupra mea mânia cea mai aprinsă, şi că vei ajuta slăbiciunii mele să ţină piept duşmanilor celor mai de temut.

Cred şi sper că mă vei iubi mereu şi că nici eu nu voi osteni iubindu-te; şi, ca să-mi împlinesc nădejdea ducând-o cât poate ea fi dusă de departe, aştept cu nădejde, de la tine, să-mi dai parte de tine, o, Ziditorule al meu, şi pentru vremea acestei vieţi, şi pentru veşnicie! Amin!

Sfântul Claudiu La Colombière (sec.17)
Sursa:www.itrc.ro